My deepest condolences to all who held Stacy Zallie dear. I did not want to nor was i trying to get pregnant but i did. I never thought that i would, but if i did, i never thought that the father would want me to have an abortion, but he did. I did not want an abortion. I had no peace about an abortion, not because i am morally opposed, but because to me i was interrupting the course of nature and because as a mother i instantly loved the baby. When he finally straight up said "yes" that he wanted an abortion, i wanted to die. I thought of ways i could kill myself and make it look accidental so my 5 year old would be provided for financially with my life insurance. I still feel like the world would be better off without me. I respected his perspective but i did not agree with it. It has been 2 weeks since the abortion, the worst day of my life. I have endured things in life that were out of my control and some things that were because of my own bad choices but none compares to this because i chose to do it even though i didn't want to, i chose to kill my unborn child. The anxiety is the worst part for me. There is supposed to be a magnificent little being growing within me but he is gone because i let them take him from me. I was 11weeks but i knew from the moment i found out he was a boy, i nicknamed him KP sonshine. I knew my 5 yr old was a boy, i could just feel it in my being. I love you KP sonshine and i miss you every day!!! Thank you for letting me share my experience. This truly is more helpful than you know and i feel this is a turning point where healing may begin. I can never get my baby back but maybe somehow i can get my peace back.