I was first 19 years old when I became pregnant with my boyfriend during the time. I decided that I was not ready to become a mother, so I terminated the pregnancy. I did not feel much depressed afterwards as I knew it was an unwanted pregnancy. At the age of 21, I was in a very toxic relationship & it became to the point where I would just about anything to keep my boyfriend happy, then I became pregnant. Shortly after a month of pregnancy, he told me the baby wasn't his and would constantly use verbal abuse against me. I still remember the day waiting in the pre-op room, texting him, "Let's work this out and be a family" and I told myself if he replied, I would leave the abortion clinic immediately- he NEVER did. I woke up crying so much in the post-op room that the MD couldn't say anything because I felt like the biggest monster in the world. I really wanted to keep the baby but I knew, I couldn't. I was depressed in bed, thinking God will punish me, I am such a bad person, I couldn't go outside because I would see children and mothers. Then, came the day I went to my Ob-Gyn to receive a pap-smear, and as soon as I put my feet in the stirrups and looked at the white ceiling, I horribly cried and the MD said what is wrong and I explained to her, "This was the last position I was in before my abortion". That's when I knew, I needed help so for three years I went into counseling to help release any negative feelings I had about the abortion, myself, and to learn strategies to prevent myself from going back to my ex boyfriend. At times, I did relapse and went back to him, but after 3 years, I am a survivor and as a registered nurse, I continue to help others in need because I know exactly how it feels like to try and enter the light at the end of the dark tunnel. This is my story.