You Are Not Alone

To anyone reading this.. you are not alone. And I’m sorry for what you had to go through. I had an abortion a month ago, I was 6 weeks. When I first found out I had mixed emotions, I was happy and scared at the same time.. my boyfriend was happy as well but then he got scared and we both panicked. Since we freaked out so much I decided to call and set up an appointment at planned parenthood. My boyfriend and I left to California to have it done and when I got there I immediately wanted to leave.. I got nauseous and lightheaded. But I pulled through and was sent to the back (I had a surgical abortion) while I was back there I could not stop shaking, getting teary. They asked me some questions and then gave me some pills such as Tylenol and pain meds. After I took that, I instantly passed out and woke up on the recovery table with everyone surrounding me asking if I was okay and if I really wanted to do this. I said I was fine and wanted to continue. I was giving an IV to calm me down and make me numb. The girls that were in there helping me were very sweet and kept me distracted. It was quick but it felt like forever.. after they told me it was done I was sent to a room where I was monitored and giving snacks. When I was in that room I felt completely numb, I didn’t cry, I didn’t get mad, I didn’t feel anything in that moment. Once I was able to go home, that drive home I still felt quite numb.. my boyfriend was helping distract me as well. But the very next day.. oh man did it hit me. Very very bad, I felt awful, physically and mentally. As the days passed I felt worse, some days I was numb again but others I cried myself to sleep and cried to my boyfriend. I feel so lost, I can’t help but blame myself and hate myself for being so scared and rushing to an abortion. I wasn’t ready for a baby.. there were things that I didn’t have for a baby. But now I feel as though I could have tried to make it work. It’s a struggle everyday. Some days I feel as though I made the right choice. Other days I feel like I’m the worst person and that I was such a chicken. I recently told my mother and sister who have been completely supportive which is amazing. My boyfriend is also struggling with it and has been by my side through it. Some days we just don’t know how to do it. We miss our little lovebug, don’t know if we would have had a boy or a girl but I love you my little baby.. mommy and daddy miss you, you’ll come back to us again soon. For anyone else struggling, you are not alone. Please don’t feel as if you are a bad person or blame yourself. You did what you thought was right and good for you. It’s okay. It happens, just know there is whole community and myself to support you, you’re loved, help is always available. My heart goes out to you all. ? it will be hard but you need to take it one day at a time. Also, for those who don’t feel sad or bad about it, it’s okay as well. Some handle it different than others. Thank you for allowing me to share my story and I’m sorry for it being so long.

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